Those voices….

It’s about to get real…gonna share how I feel.  This is hard to talk about but, I’ve gotta let it out.

Maybe you’ve been a witness to my mental illness.  For a long time I’ve been dealing with this….

This anxiety that often gets the best of me.

It manifests as schitzophrenic tendencies.  Voices plaguing me, making audible all my insecurities.

I’m trying to be present with you,  but these voices are distracting, commentating on everything I do.

Sometimes they’re so loud it hurts… Sometimes its subtle whispers at the back of my mind.  They’re rarely kind…

They’re tricky these demons when they take on the voices of my family and friends;  leave me wondering if there’s some truth to the things they say.  If people really feel that way.

Im kind of superstitious…

Sometimes people think I’m conceited or arrogant because, being socially free and open doesn’t come easy to me.

I put up these walls,  built from insecurities,  afraid to say the wrong thing, or act the wrong way.   I get all choked up inside,  my mind goes blank.  So I fumble out a mumble or say nothing or the wrong thing.

The lonely cycle continues and the voices get louder and things get harder.

I won’t give up,  I won’t give in to the din.

Im learning myself and my cycles when its better when its worse.  I’m learning some discernment,  figure out that he or she really meant.

Make the most of this and use these voices to my advantage instead of letting them push me into a self-destructive, depressive cage.

Learning to be objective and analyze what’s real and what’s lies.

Quiet the mind and find the soft voice of my soul.  Be my own hero.  No one will save me, no one can free me, not when I hold the key.

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